I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Randomize
