last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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