If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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