lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
