Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
4 words: hood of his car
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
