Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize