Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
