Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
