I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
