I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
