Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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