is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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