Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
