Your tits are I can't wait for
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
