I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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