I want to have your abortion
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
