Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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