i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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