the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
