I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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