woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
