I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
