Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
