Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
