I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
