i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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