Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
