so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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