hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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