How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i now understand why vodka
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
