The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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