your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
