Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
