I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
