for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
did i walk over a car last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
