At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
