Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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