i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
