Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it was like eating out sand paper
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
