Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
