1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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