you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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