She said her name was "party"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I had to cum in my sink.
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