Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize