y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
