we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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