I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
