it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
