I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
