I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
