He is such a slut. More and more my type.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
