My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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