Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
