he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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