based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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