I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
