Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
