It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
