cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
