i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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