you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
