There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
