Apparently you make a good broom.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
