Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
