He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
