We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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