Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize