is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
