I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
