if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
