is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
